Friday, May 5, 2017

Urgent Request from Mexico


To: Ryan
From: Barbara
 
Subject: URGENT Request 5-4-17

Hope this email finds you well. I need a favor ASAP.
Waiting for kind reply soon.


Regards,


Barbara Fxxxxxxx


To: Barbara
From: Ryan
 
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, I consider this a kind reply

Hi Barbara,


Your email found me on the toilet, where I check all email. What can I do for you?

R
 


To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17
, I consider this a kind reply

Hi Ryan,


Thank you very much for your reply! I made a trip early this week to Mexico to see my ill cousin who lives here. He is seriously ill and needs support from family. He was diagnosed with (acute lymphoblastic leukemia) He has been going to chemo for about year,  it pretty bad because his chemo treatments with medicare is $1000 per every two weeks. The chemotherapy treatment was going well until last week, when the doctor noticed that the dangerous disease has relapsed and the only way it can survive is to undergo a bone marrow transplant (Bone Marrow Transplantation). We have seen someone whose bone marrow matched his has agreed to be the donor and should be submitted to the registry soon in Mexico Medical Center Hospital for early Dx and Rx Consultation for Dangerous Diseases. The estimate of the graft is $10,000 I've already spent about $7600 toward his treatment, I need you to help me with a quick loan of $2400 to make the necessary treatment. as I don't know your financial situation at the moment, I'll really appreciate whatever amount you can come up with, if not all will be deeply appreciated and reimbursed after the surgery. Your help and support will give him a chance to live a normal life. Please let me know how much you can lend so that i can provide you the transfer information to obtain the money and I'll repay you back as soon as I return.


Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx

 

To: Barbara
From: Ryan

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Papa, Can you hear me?


Babs!


So good to hear from you! Truly, I’m not putting you on. I was squeezing my cat’s tail tightly while reading about this horrible turn of events and got clawed right in the cornea! I’ll need medical attention for sure. Not bone-marrow-transplant (Bone Marrow Transplantation: The Movie) medical attention, but still, I could be subjected to wearing a patch (not terminal, I hope)!


I think I could spare about $1,000 right now, maybe more later, but first have to see how much I can get for my husband’s golf clubs. Should I PayPal you? Venmo? Or better yet, the kids are all using Western Union. Maybe that? Let me know The Fastest Way to Send Money™ and it will be there before you can throw back 12 shots of street-grade mezcal!


What is your cousin doing in Mexico? Not drug trafficking I hope…though I hear it’s excellent money provided you don’t have a working gag reflex. How terrible to get Leukemia of all things. I always get angry diarrhea when I visit. I guess I should be thankful (but that stuff is wicked)! Which city are you in? Hotel? Hope it has a pool and a 24-hour English-speaking guard.


Please let me know what I can do. I’m keeping you in my prayers and am so happy you have reached out to me. Do yourself a favor, have some tacos. You were always your happiest going down on a plate of tacos.


Sincerely, 


Chupacabra

P.S. Please enlarge and give this to your cousin (the one with the dangerous disease). 


 
 

To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Papa, Can you hear me?


please all I need you to do is to go to any Western Union outlet and send the money.
 
Below are details for the western union transfer.


Received Name:
Barbara Fxxxxxxx  
Address: Venustiano Carranza 39 Centro Mexico, Distrito Federal 06000 City: Mexico city State: Distrito Federal Country: Mexico Postal code: 06000 

Or


I was told that you can also send Western union transfer online with your Credit Card online by going to http://www.westernunion.com

Please as soon as you make the payment, kindly get back to me with the payment details such as (SENDERS NAME/ MTCN NUMBER/SCAN THE WESTERN UNION RECEIPT TOO) for confirmation so that i can proceed with the treatment immediately.


Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx

 

To: Barbara
From: Ryan

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Don't Rain On My Parade


Hi Babs,


Oh, thank Dios you opted for Western Union despite the other more convenient and verifiable options I gave you. You’re in DF!!! It’s such a beautiful city with hardly a rapist or wallet-snatcher in sight (because of the smog). Can you bring your ill cousin home to the US where our health care is above par? What is your cousin’s name? I’d love to blurt it out to my prayer group so we can send our thoughts up to the heavens…or would you just prefer cash? In my experience, nothing pays for mounting medical debt like a quick shout-out to the Lord.


If your cousin has been undergoing chemo for a year, why has it taken you so long to visit? I assume since you’re taking on all the financial burden, you must be super tight. How old is your cousin? Is he single? (I’m not picky.) Do you know when you might return home? I’d love a jewelry box made of hammered tin topped with a scorpion in resin. Just saying, I scratch your back….


Tell me the name of the hospital where your cousin is being treated. I’d love to speak with the administration and see if we can work out a payment plan. I do have money but don’t know if I can send it for a few days. I am just sick thinking of what caring for this cousin is doing to your vacation! And on Cinco de Mayo weekend, a weekend actual Mexicans care very little for. You really should be in America, taking body shots off insecure college girls with the rest of us! Could I send you $500 now, maybe another $500 after the weekend (provided I don’t blow it on margaritas)? 


I am prepared to do whatever it takes to help with the transplantation of marrow. That reminds me, at lunch just now I had a divine Romaine salad with a side of slow-roasted beef marrow; spread across a crostini…nothing beats it!


Moist and intimate kisses,


Rx


 
To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Don't Rain On My Parade


Thank you for your understanding, yes you can send the $500 and get back to me with the full transfer details.


Regards,


Barbara Fxxxxxxx
 


To: Barbara
From: Ryan

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, I'm the greatest star!


Babs,

I will get to Western Union as quickly as I can. It’s a little out of the way, but I’ll do my best after my seaweed wrap appointment. Do you have any idea what a MTCN number is? I’ll need a lot of hand-holding on this one.
 

R



To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17,
I'm the greatest star!

Hi Ryan,


Thank you so much for your email and I have to let you know that I need the quick funds to make the necessary treatment.  You can send the $500 now. as I don't know your financial situation at the moment, any help whatsoever will be deeply appreciated. Your help and support will give him a chance to live a normal life, Any amount will be accepted with gratitude and reimbursed after my surgery. Please let me when you done with the transfer, scan the copy of the receipt given to you.


Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx

 

To: Barbara
From: Ryan
 
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, People 

Hi Babs,


Since you keep harping on it, my financial situation is outstanding, thank you. So outstanding in fact, I just toweled off from a dip in my Dom Perignon-filled lake, I have a Petrossian Beluga Caviar enema in an hour and tomorrow, I’m dumping my weekend home in Seychelles for an upgrade on a yet to be discovered island chain in the Arabian Sea. I kid; my rat-infested condo is underwater and my second husband is suing me for divorce. The money your cousin needs is a real strain on my pocketbook, but I would do anything for a friend I hardly ever hear from.


One thing I’m confused on: You said in one email, “Your help and support will give him a chance at a normal life…,” and later in the same line, “…Any amount will be accepted…and reimbursed after my surgery.” Are you getting the surgery or your cousin? I’d hate to think I’m wiring cash to you only to learn it was for a tummy tuck. What assurance can you provide that this money isn’t going toward your much needed jowl-lift?


Are you able to call me? I’d love to chat.


R



To: Barbara
From: Ryan
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Hello Dolly!


Good morning Babs,

It’s done. I’ve transferred the money but I’m afraid I spilled my morning margarita on it. I’m trying to make out the MSNBC numbers…give me a sec…here you go:

9871282082

OR

9871285346

I’m afraid it’s only $448.32 because I ran out of Boniva and the cost to replace cut into the money I’d earmarked for your cousin. Please let me know that you received everything a-okay! I’m worried over here and it will take everything in my power to just get through this next pitcher of margaritas until I know where things stand.

R


To: Ryan
From: Barbara
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Hello Dolly!


Thanks for your quick reply, No transaction found with your 9871285346 or 9871282082. Write out the (MTCN #) the mtcn # should be 10 digits number, Anyway, is it possible to scan the transmittal receipt from the Western Union Office

Please let me know the correct mtcn, so i can claim the money. 
 
I will be waiting for your reply.

Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx
 


To: Barbara
From: Ryan
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17,
Second Hand Rose

Babby,


Can you try again? I think I may have inverted numbers. Try this: 9871285364, which is a 10-digit number (or didn’t you count). I’m not sure how to scan a receipt, let alone a transmittal receipt. Can you explain?

BTW, have you heard of a Mexican Shit Rocket? It’s gross. It’s when you freeze a turd out of last night’s dinner and use it as a dildo. (The things you learn at happy hour!)

Pues,

R



To: Ryan
From: Barbara
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Second Hand Rose


As soon as it's sent, send me a copy of the money transfer receipt

  
To: Barbara
From: Ryan
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Somewhere


Hi Babcock,

Which one is the money transfer receipt again? I’m not sure I got it when I sent you money without condition. I did get a piece of paper (the one I spilled margarita on) but there were so many numbers on it, it looked like a bathroom wall at a Tijuana truck stop. I’m pretty sure one of the numbers I sent you is the right one…you should be fine. Does WU need EXACT numbers or will most of them do? Dios mio!

Enough money talk, how’s your cousin doing? I started to knit a scarf last night and want to send it to him while he waits for transplantation of marrow. Regretfully, I’m a terribly slow knitter and am concerned I might not knit-and-pearl out a proper scarf-length scarf for several weeks. Do you think he’ll hang on that long or should I just send him this pot holder-thing I got going on? Oh, please do send some good news!

Vamos a la playa,

R


To: Ryan
From: Barbara
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Somewhere

The Code you sent is fake MTCN, please kindly go back to the WU office and ask for the correct MTCN Number or send me the receipt transfer.

Regards,

Barbara Fxxxxxxx


To: Barbara
From: Ryan
RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Memory

B-dog,

Fake? Oh no! What did Western Union tell you? Can’t you just show them your ID? Mexicans are not very smart, perhaps you can just flash a sun-damaged boob and then grab the cash.

I can mail you the receipt transfer. Would that work? What’s your hotel address? Or, do you happen to know if a flip phone can scan a receipt transfer…or are they only good for scanning regular receipts?  I know this darn phone can take pictures because I took a picture of my nipple by mistake…but I suspect that won’t do you any good. 


I’m so sorry. I’ll head back to WU right away to see if I can figure out what happened. In the meantime, have you tried this number: 9871200512?

What do you think of my purse? Be honest.

Desperado,

R


  

Friday, December 9, 2016

Christmas Sneer with Brownie

(I come into work and Brownie, the office administrator and busybody, has Christmas-ed all over the place; fake holly sprays adorning every cubicle, glittered plastic pine and pinecone garland strewn around door frames, vinyl wreaths here and there, and personalized felt stocking for everyone...except me. I sit down at my desk. Brownie rushes over.)

Brownie: (hands on cheeks, dismayed) I'm so, so sorry. I didn't have any more stockings.

Me: (sips coffee) Good morning.

Brownie: I thought had got enough for everyone in this office but I got here early and started putting everything up and saw that I didn't have one for you. (hand on heart) I feel terrible.

Me: It's okay. I don't need one.

Brownie: You just tell me which one you want and I'll go back to the store and get one for you--

Me: No, thank you. I don't want one.

Brownie: --there's reindeer, snowmen, snowflakes, um, lemme think....

Me: Don't worry about it.

Brownie: ...and I think I saw some Christmas trees, gold stars, elves-those were cool if you like those. Just tell me.

Me: I don't want any. Thank you. This was nice for you to do, but I'm okay.

Brownie: I could go to another store and see what they have. I could go out to Target on my lunch break and see what they have. They usually have a lot of--

Me: No! No stockings. Please don't do anything.

(Brownie stares me down, exits. Later, at a meeting with my boss and other coworkers.)

Boss: (leans over) So, I hear you don't want a stocking.

Me: Uh, what? No, I don't actually.

Boss: We all have them, just take one and say thank you.

Me: I don't want one and there's no reason for Brownie to put out more effort, especially for me.

Boss: (with intensity) Take it and shut up about it.

(After meeting, back at my desk, I find a reindeer stocking with my name one it. Brownie peeks over the barrier between our cubicles. I turn around and her head disappears in a flash.)


BLACKOUT

Friday, November 18, 2016

Choose Your Battle: Protesting Trump

LAST UPDATED: 11/21/2016

It is a dark time for those of us against a nation under Trump, but we are not powerless. There are ways you can protest, peacefully and loudly. Below are ideas borrowed from people more clever than me, putting them in one place. That said, this is a working list, open to additions (and subtractions).

 

Weekly Checklists
  • Wall-Of-Us is a weekly checklist of ways you can fight back. They say on their site, "[Trump] promised a wall. he will be stopped by a wall of us. FOUR CONCRETE ACTS OF RESISTANCE DELIVERED TO YOUR INBOX EACH WEEK"
March or rally
  • Locally, no direction or links here. Look for organized marches and rallies against Trump in your area. Social media is a great place to start. Be peaceful. Be loud. No rioting. 
  • Nationally, the Million Women's March is being planned for January 21st in Washington DC. Details here.

Sign a petition, make a pledge
  • Pledge to register as a Muslim. Trump is going to require Muslims to register themselves in a database. Trump supporter, Carl Higbie, said there is a precedent for this Muslim registry proposal, comparing it to the necessity of building Japanese internment camps during WWII.
  • Tell the Electoral College to make Hillary President. On December 19th, the Electors of the Electoral College will cast their ballots. If they all vote the way their states voted, Donald Trump will win. However, they can vote for Hillary Clinton if they choose. We are calling on the Electors to ignore their states' votes and cast their ballots for Secretary Clinton. It's a long shot and could be our only hope.
  • Stop Steve Bannon. Steve Bannon was tapped to be Trump's chief strategist and is heralded by former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke, as well as the chairman of the American Nazi Party and other ultra right-wing pundits who believe Bannon will be able to fulfill Trump's most bigoted campaign promises. 
  • Appoint Garland Now! Obama should exercise his independent constitutional right to appoint a Supreme Court Justice, Merrick Garland. The Senate has a concurrent right to advise and consent, but its complete failure to schedule an up-or-down vote means it has waived that right. Obama can and should act now. 
  • Support Southern Poverty Law Center.  The SPLC is dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of our society. Using litigation, education, and other forms of advocacy, the SPLC works toward the day when the ideals of equal justice and equal opportunity will be a reality.
  •  Faith Leaders Call on Republican officials to reject Mr. Trump’s Cabinet of Bigotry. Sign here.
  • NEA and HCR: Speak Up: Safe Learning Environments for Every Student. More information.

Make a call! Tell your representatives how you feel
(from Miranda Jones, Elizabeth Jardina and Leslie Ann)
  • Call the House Oversight Committee and ask them to investigate Donald Trump regarding his conflicts of interest prior to taking office (202-225-5074).
  • Call the Oversight Committee’s Chair Jason Chaffetz’s office to say the same thing (202-225-7751).
  • Call ranking member of the House Oversight Committee Elijah Cummings, who is pushing to investigate Trump, and thank him. His office is so nice and they're taking names (202-225-4741).
  •  Call Senator Lindsey Graham (202-224-5972) to say thank you for recognizing the importance of investigating Russia’s attempts to influence our election. Because WHAT.
  • Call your representative (http://whoismyrepresentative.com/) and ask them to condemn the appointment of white supremacist Steve Bannon as chief strategist. If they already have, say thank you! (also posted above as a petition)
  • Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner sat in on Trump's first meeting with a foreign dignitary, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. This was a state meeting and they had no security clearance. Ivanka is supposed to be running Trump's businesses during his presidential term. Please call the House Oversight Committee (202-225-5074) to support the call for a bipartisan review of Trump's financials and apparent conflicts of interest.
  • To access an exhaustive Google list with more tips and strategies, click here.
     

Send a letter to Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House, letting him know about hate crimes
(idea from Full Frontal with Samantha Bee)

  • Paul Ryan seemed unaware of post-election hate crimes and abuse. We know he's busy. Let's bring the stories to him. Help us #TellPaulRyan. Send your story to: Office of the Speaker, H-232 The Capitol, Washington, DC 20515

Donate for yourself or someone else
(list from W magazine)

  • American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU): Defends and preserves the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person in this country by the constitution and laws of the United States. Donate here.
  • The Audre Lorde Project: A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Two Spirit, Trans and Gender Non-Conforming People of Color community organizing center, focusing on the New York City area. Donate here.  
  • Border Angels: A San Diego based non-profit that advocates for human rights, humane immigration reform, and social justice with a special focus on issues related to issues related to the US-Mexican border. Learn how to show your support here.  
  • Campaign Zero: Police reform in association with Black Lives Matter. Get involved here.  The Center for Reproductive Rights Mission: To promote and defends the reproductive rights of women worldwide. Donate here.  
  • The Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles (CHIRLA): To advance the human and civil rights of immigrants and refugees in Los Angeles. Donate here.  
  • The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR): A Muslim advocacy group working to promote a positive image of Islam and Muslims in America. Learn more here.  
  • NARAL Pro-Choice America: To engage in political action and advocacy efforts to oppose restrictions on abortion and expand access to abortion. Donate here.  
  • The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) Mission: To ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of rights of all persons and to eliminate race-based discrimination. Donate here 
  • National Organization for Women (NOW): To take action to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society now, exercising all privileges and responsibilities thereof in truly equal partnership with men. Learn more here.  
  • The New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault: To build the capacity of communities, organizations, and institutions to advance the right to live free from sexual violence and reduce the harm it causes individuals, families, and society. Donate here.  
  • Planned Parenthood: A nonprofit organization that provides reproductive health services both in the United States and globally. Donate here.  
  • Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): Anti-sexual assault organization working with local rape crisis centers across the U.S. Donate here.  
  • She Should Run: A national network changing culture to inspire more women and girls to run for office. Donate and get involved here.  
  • The Trevor Project Mission: A national 24-hour, toll free confidential suicide hotline for gay and questioning youth. Donate here.  
  • The Young Center for Immigrant Children’s Rights Mission: To promote the best interests – safety and well-being – of unaccompanied and separated immigrant children in the United States. Learn more here. 

Boycott Trump products and the stores that carry them


Put good out in the world, volunteer locally, get active
(idea from Evan Young)

Finally, take a breath. Remember you're not in this alone. Take time to ignore Facebook, a moment to stop looking at your Twitter feed. Read a book. Have a nap. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Greetings From Kiev, Email Scam--NSFW


Yesterday, my mother's email was hacked (again). I exchanged emails for a bit with the scammer. Personal contact information has been removed. I'm RJ writing in BOLD. Mel is the scammer in italics.        ____________________________________________________________________

 Greetings,

How are you doing? Please i need a great favor from you. Please reply as soon as you get this mail.

Mel



How is it going? I haven't heard from you in a long time. Is it my feet? What can I do for you?

Hope you are well. Byeeeeee!

RJ



Good to hear from you. I'm sorry to bother you with this but it is a bad time for me . I had to make a sudden trip to Ukraine due to some urgent matters to help my sick sister, she was diagnosed with (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) a type of Blood Cancer and had been undergoing treatment lately. The news of her illness arrived to me as an emergency.

The hospital management is demanding for a deposit before they can carry out the surgery operation to save her life and I traveled down here with little money because I never expected things to be the way it is right now. Can you assist me with a loan of $1,850 USD or any amount you can afford at the moment? I'll surely pay back as soon as I get back home.

Please, let me know if you can be of help so I can advise on how to transfer the funds. I’ll be happy to hear from you soon regarding my request and please remember to keep this private.

Mel


[Scammer attached photo/scan of my mother's passport, which must have been in her email]




Hello Mel,

Oh my goodness! What horrible news! I nearly burst into tears! Nearly! Your poor, poor sister. She must be out of her mind to be in Ukraine! "People that live there are absolutely nuts," is something my Russian neighbors tell me. "Ukraine is full of gay wolverines," my Slovenian neighbors will chime in.

I always like to ask a series of questions when I'm surprised with tragic news like this. Here it goes: Are you able to fly your sister home? Where in Ukraine are you? How is the porridge there? Incredible I bet. Do you think your sister will make it? Can I have her TV if no? Why do I have to keep this news private? I will do my best but I've already told Linda, my coworker, who has a big mouth but not about this. She promised.

How can I get you money ASAP? Please tell me it's through Western Union. Please! I have some money but I'm afraid only about $1,000. Will that do for now? Maybe Linda has a few bucks she can lend me. I bought the lady coffee this morning and listen to her complain about her ex-husband for Christ's sake.

Lymphoblasticly yours,

RJ



Thanks for your response, please proceed with he amount you have at the moment i will explain everything to you when i get back home. The fastest means of getting the money to me now is via Western union Money Transfer or Money-Gram Transfer. You can have it wired to my name via any Western Union Or Money Gram Outlet around.

All you need is the name on my passport and location below.

Receiver Name:
[Mel]
Location: 1, Andriya Malyshko Street, kiev ukraine
State: Kiev
Post Code :02192
Country :Ukraine

As soon as it has been done kindly attach the transfer receipt to me which is all i will need to pick up the money here.

Please let me know if you are heading out now.

Waiting to read from you.

Mel


Hello Mel,

Thank you for the quick email as I also was waiting to read from you! Reading from you is giving me life, pure life!

I am dashing out the door this moment to see if I can get to a Western Union before they close. I do have some bad news however--not Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia-type-bad-news, but Linda spilled the beans! I was out getting a drink of water and I passed by her whispering to Jeremy. I overheard words like "Ukraine" and "sick sister" and I knew she was not keeping things private like you asked. And Jeremy has a really big mouth and also is a sex idiot. There's no telling how many people he'll share the news of your sister's illness with during pillow talk. For example, after coitus one night he told me that our boss Just-For-Mens his chest hair. Can you believe that?! Oh the fuckery of it all!

I'm seeing if I can get more than $1,000 but it could take me a few days. I fully trust you and hope I can help your sister out, even if it means selling all of my roommate's belongings on the Black Market! Have you asked other people for money? I'm sure we'd all be willing to give whatever we can. I've never wired money before. Hope I don't run into any trouble.

Do you have any idea what kind of treatment they are giving your sister in that backwards country? Can you give me the number of the hospital? What's the doctor's name? Maybe I can just give the hospital my credit card--or are they not that advanced in Ukraine? Oh, please be careful! I'm worried sick and don't know how much Netflix I'll be able to binge tonight under these conditions.

I'll send you a receipt of the transfer as soon as I get it. How fast do you need it? Probably pretty fast I suspect. Please send me news when you can. In the meantime, these have always brought me luck!













Irrationally yours and ready to part with my money,

RJ



Thanks for your love and concern towards my predicament i wish i could call you but am unable to secure an Ukrainian number yet since i didn't plan to stay long here, Please i don have much access to the internet proceed with the transfer once is done kindly get back to me with the transfer details or receipt so that i will be able to pick it up here.

Awaiting for the transfer details.

Mel



Messy Mel,

I do love your predicament and am concerned, mostly about your English. You didn't catch your sister's Leukemia I hope! I hear that the Ukrainian variety of this blood disease gets into your bones and goes straight to your grammar vortex. I'd get checked out or you'll go the way of your sister faster than a Ukrainian Gypsy can hex you for throwing hot tea in her face!

I'm afraid the Western Union is closed for the night! What a terrible turn of events, but still better than being laid up in Kiev with a cute blood disease.

Can I send you money in the morning? Are you safe? Keeping your sister calm? What have the doctors told you?

Please send some good news that I promise to keep all to myself this time. I'm a worried wart over here! Should I fly there to see you?

RJ

P.S. What do you think of this lipstick? Be honest.























Good morning dahling,

I had a good night rest. I dreamt I was a rack of lamb and Al Roker was basting me with herb sauce.

Western Union won't open for a few hours. Just checking to make sure you are doing alright. I'm so worried about you and your sister with a type of blood cancer (How many types are there?--I'm placing bets). Please let me know that everything is alright.

Awaiting for the details of number of types of blood cancer.

RJ



Please let me once you are done with the transfer i don't have much access to the internet keep me posted as soon as it's done.

Mel



Hello my little polyp,

What information do you need exactly? Does Western Union call you when my no-strings-attached money comes through? Do they give you cash?

When did you go to Ukraine? Didn't you think to bring money or did you dart out the door in your Spanx and curlers the moment you heard of your sister's cute blood cancer? Seems hasty if I'm being honest.

RJ

P.S. I'm growing out my mustache. Thoughts? Don't flatter me.





....end of exchange....