Friday, November 20, 2009

Vintage: Cut to Penis

I wrote this (slightly disturbing) story and posted it on my another blog a year ago:


There were eight of us for dinner at my house on Sunday, gabbing as giddy gals do. Then, over quiche and potatoes with dill, the topic of circumcision came up:

Charlie: Our friend [his and Nate's friend] just got a circumcision and...well, it was botched.

(Everyone cringes and squeals in horror.)

Me: What does that mean?

Nate: It means, they didn't do a very good job of it.

ALL: EwwwwWWWww!

(Kelley's boyfriend, Joe, pipes up.)

Joe: They probably cut his penis head off.

Charlie: ...

Nate: ...

Me: ...

Donna: ...

Tim: ...

Jon: ...

Kelley: (laughing and cringing) Joe!?!

Me: Well, who was it?

Nate: We can't say.

Me: Why not? Who? Who? Who?

Charlie: We promised. It's a sensitive subject.

Me: PleEEeeeaaasse!?? Just mouth the name to me.

Joe: Yeah, they cut his penis head off or something. Just (making a slicing motion through the air with his hand) cut it right off. It's dangling now.

Nate: ...

Kelley: ...

Charlie: ...

Donna: ...

Tim: ...

Jon: ...

Me: Joe, that's gross.

BLACKOUT


Later I got an email from Kelley:

Hi-

I just texted you but I see that you are online right now, so I will email also. Joe and I were talking about brunch on Sunday and he is worried that he offended you when he said that maybe the botched circumcision resulted in a cut off penis head. He is very sorry if he did and he said that he didn't mean to offend anyone. I told him that I would ask you. He is worried.

-K

My response to Kelley:

Kelley,

I was very offended and wanted to leave the table and go cry in my room. You see, many years ago I wanted to have a more fierce circumcision than the one I had as a newborn and, well, it was not all that. Tell Joe, he's a horrible person.


JK, all the way. Does Joe think I was acting weird? In general, I would say that most guys are squeamish at the thought of their penis head getting cut off. It's just one of those things. Call me crazy.

Penis,

Head

Sunday, November 8, 2009