Friday, November 20, 2009

Vintage: Cut to Penis

I wrote this (slightly disturbing) story and posted it on my another blog a year ago:

There were eight of us for dinner at my house on Sunday, gabbing as giddy gals do. Then, over quiche and potatoes with dill, the topic of circumcision came up:

Charlie: Our friend [his and Nate's friend] just got a circumcision and...well, it was botched.

(Everyone cringes and squeals in horror.)

Me: What does that mean?

Nate: It means, they didn't do a very good job of it.

ALL: EwwwwWWWww!

(Kelley's boyfriend, Joe, pipes up.)

Joe: They probably cut his penis head off.

Charlie: ...

Nate: ...

Me: ...

Donna: ...

Tim: ...

Jon: ...

Kelley: (laughing and cringing) Joe!?!

Me: Well, who was it?

Nate: We can't say.

Me: Why not? Who? Who? Who?

Charlie: We promised. It's a sensitive subject.

Me: PleEEeeeaaasse!?? Just mouth the name to me.

Joe: Yeah, they cut his penis head off or something. Just (making a slicing motion through the air with his hand) cut it right off. It's dangling now.

Nate: ...

Kelley: ...

Charlie: ...

Donna: ...

Tim: ...

Jon: ...

Me: Joe, that's gross.


Later I got an email from Kelley:


I just texted you but I see that you are online right now, so I will email also. Joe and I were talking about brunch on Sunday and he is worried that he offended you when he said that maybe the botched circumcision resulted in a cut off penis head. He is very sorry if he did and he said that he didn't mean to offend anyone. I told him that I would ask you. He is worried.


My response to Kelley:


I was very offended and wanted to leave the table and go cry in my room. You see, many years ago I wanted to have a more fierce circumcision than the one I had as a newborn and, well, it was not all that. Tell Joe, he's a horrible person.

JK, all the way. Does Joe think I was acting weird? In general, I would say that most guys are squeamish at the thought of their penis head getting cut off. It's just one of those things. Call me crazy.



Sunday, November 8, 2009