Monday, December 17, 2012

Transvaginal Surgery: A Glimpse

A friend of mine pees her pants...wait...let me back up.  A friend of mine recently had a baby and birthing it did all kinds of stretchy things to her lady parts and now she pees her pants if she laughs too hard, sneezes, and sometimes just when she bends over to pick up a pen.  It's not terribly uncommon though I get the sense that it is not commonly discussed.  At least with boys.

Said friend recently returned to work after having gone through transvaginal surgery to correct her piddle problems.  I knew she had surgery but was fuzzy on the details.  She was kind enough to bring me into the loop..

(Friend/Co-worker enters office.  I'm sitting at my computer.)

Me: Hello!  You're walking!

Her: Yes, I'm in some pain still but, hold on...(shuts office door and sits beside me).  I didn't want to tell a lot of people but I had surgery, a transvaginal mesh surgery to help me with some issues, like, you know, peeing involuntarily.

Me:  Really?  Oh, are you okay?

Her:  Oh, I'm fine.  I'm fine.  It's gross.

Me:  Transvaginal is a word?

Her:  Yes, the surgery lifts your bladder and, well, it just helps.  I tired other things but it wasn't working.  Do guys know what a--do you know what a pessary is? 

Me:  Is it a tea cookie?

Her:  Ha, no.  It's a device that is inserted into a woman's vagina to help support it so weight doesn't press down on the bladder.  It kind of looks like a ring with ridges, or a diaphragm ring.  It just pops in and holds things up. 

Me: Like a tent?  Or, you know if you see a tote bag in a store and notice that they've stuffed it with newspaper so it stands up and gives it shape?

Her:  Uh, yes, something like that.  It can be uncomfortable, like maybe trying to fit an elephant into a bus stop.  It's a bitch to get out, just kind of wedged in there.  This surgery was something different and more permanent and I just hope it does the trick.

Me:  Oh, my.

Her:  Anyway, I don't want to go into too much detail, but I didn't want you to worry.

Me:  Okay.

Her:  Okay.

Me:  Okay.

Her:  Okay.  Well, I don't know how much work I can get done today.  I think I'll do what I need to do and just go home.  I can't sit up too long or it feels like I sat on an exploding grenade.  I feel much better reclined.

Me:  Don't we all?