Thursday, March 28, 2013

ALC 2013: 66 days to go

Money Raised: $850
Days to Go: 66
Mood Forecast: Not sad to see the rain.
Special Thanks: Lisbet Sunshine and Ariella Granett

The donations are coming in and I'm so grateful for all the generosity from everyone.  I'm almost at my first $1000.  Anyone got $150 burning a hole in their pockets? Please consider helping this pleasant pedaler out.  I'm working to save lives and am not doing all this exercise for my health.  Well, yes I am, but I'm also trying to snuff out an ugly virus.   

It looks like rainy times all weekend which means no riding for me and a wet Easter Bunny for you.  When it is cold outside, trying to keep active and up on my training is difficult as I like to live under a blanket and a lazy dog (will settle for two gray cats).  Also, I hear there's a Walking Dead marathon on this weekend.   So many temptations; rain, zombies, gray cats...the list goes on.

Gray cats, Jasper and Julia

Gather round, grab a spot on the carpet, it's story time! 

I have a favorite Spin instructor who looks like a cross between Kelly Cutrone and the apple-bodied Hanker for a Hunk O'Cheese guy from the ABC Saturday morning PSAs for kids.  Her class is every Thursday and she is awesome and funny and plays Prince.  Before each class she walks around to everybody to check posture and foot positions, because most people don't know what they're doing and end up hurting their backs or straining their knees.

Last week after her posture and position check she darted back to her headset holding her nose and shouted, "You guys need to control your funk!  I'm happy to walk around and check your footing, but do me a favor and be aware of your foul bodies.  This is a confined space, people!" 

I concur.  People stink.  Tim Gunn references living in a "monkey house" saying that when you first visit a monkey house the stench could knock you over.  But if you lived in the monkey house, the stink wouldn't bother you.  Then he went on to use that analogy toward people's bad fashion choices.  

At any rate, all this said, yes, cycling and cycling long days like I've been doing (and will do in June), leave you stank-y and I always get a little self conscious when I'm on a full BART train home to Oakland after riding 80 miles in the North Bay. 

Also, anonymous B-Lister codename, Wolfgang Weber, you know who you are--warsh your shorts!  No more of your monchichi marinade at mile zero.  As a riding group we should all move into the monkey house together, mile by mile, and after the ride, leave the zoo.   

Love you, Wolfie.

Click here to donate to my ride and ALC.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

ALC 2013: 68 days to go

Money Raised: $750
Days to Go: 68
Mood Forecast: Justfinethanks.
Special Thanks: Ibuprofen

This weekend was a beautiful one for riding.  Our group of training riders grew from 5 last week to 10 this week.  However, we were all at different skill levels and had a difference of opinion on where we wanted to ride.  Some of the group went as far as Fairfax (about 40 mile round trip) while Chris, Wookie, Wolfgang and I decided to ride past Fairfax, through Nicasio, around the Nicasio Reservoir, breeze through the Samuel P. Taylor State Park, back through Lagunitas and on home.  Phew!  The round trip ride ended up being 80 miles, for which my body was not ready. 

 Nicasio Reservoir

80 mile route (This picture taken from the moon)

Now for some apologies:
  • I'm sorry bikini-area, particularly the parts touching the bike seat for 80 miles.  You weren't calloused enough to endure the long ride and I don't blame you for hating me all weekend. 
  • I'm sorry man-passing-on-my-left whilst riding.  I didn't see you when I was snot-rocketing and hope you were able to get my boogers out of your jersey. 
  • I'm sorry turkeys I saw in the pasture as I pedaled by.  I didn't do such a good impression of your call and no, you don't really sound like that. 
  • I'm sorry tourist lady and your five kids on Blazing Saddles bikes riding over the GG Bridge.  I didn't mean to wish you and your family would ride into the ocean after you careened into my pathway.  I know not riding into oncoming bike traffic is tough. 
  • I'm sorry eyeballs for not wearing better sunglasses and getting dirt and wind and other road debris in you on every decent. 

On that note, proper cycling glasses don't look good on me.  I usually wear my gas station Rey Bands or aviators when I ride and neither of those protect the sides of my eyes
--going against my mantra, function before fashion.  So anytime I'm zooming down a hill, the wind picks up, my eyes water, I go blind, and ride off a bluff and die in the ocean.  It's awful. 

The shades I wore last year were great but have sadly gone to face jewelry heaven (or are stuck between two cushions somewhere).  Hunting around for sunglasses there are three standard styles; Terminator, Olsen twin, or an old lady with glaucoma.  

A thing happened when I was in CVS not looking for hair straightener.  I saw their selection of sunglasses, some of which appeared to be not-stupid potentials, and put on one of the Terminator-styles.  As I did so an old lady walked up behind me:

Old Lady:  No.  Not those.

Me: Oh, these are for cycling, er, riding my bike.  I have to find some that cover the sides of my eyes so they don't water up when I go speeding down hills and--

Old Lady: (holds up a wrinkled hand to halt my babbling) Just not those.  They don't look good on you. 

(Old Lady exits.)


Now for some photos:

 Me at the GG Bridge.

 (L to R) Wookie and Chris in Fairfax.

Me in Fairfax.

 Also, when I got home I told Jasper and Julia all about my ride and all the hard work I've been doing to get in shape and raise money and Jasper sent me the cutest text later:

Click here to donate to my ride and ALC.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

More H-O-Hey Stories

We had an HOA meeting last night and the usual crop of persnickety ladies (Dog Lady and Biteface) were there.  Here were some of the topics discussed:

On Elevator Repairs

Biteface: I have something to say about the elevator repair person.

Property Manager: Okay.

Biteface: I met with her and she was very rude and said that she waited 45 minutes when I know she only waited 10 seconds.  Something was up with her.  But she said our elevator is fine and will never break down.  Apparently it's really good.

Dog Lady: Uh, I've gotten trapped in it before.  It was stuck.  Sure was.

Biteface: In the elevator?  Stuck is not broken.

Dog Lady: Okay, excuse me, you try sitting in a steel box hanging between floors screaming your brains out and tell me after that the elevator don't breakdown.  I got out, thankfully.

Biteface:  Anyways, we're up to code and the elevator won't break.

Dog Lady: (sassy like) Uh huh.

On Smoking in the Building (Dog Lady and Biteface live on the same floor)

Dog Lady: I live next door to three smokers on my floor and some days when I walk down the hall I feel like I'm in a bar from 1995.

Biteface: I know!  I have to stuff a towel under my door.  I don't want my cat to die.

Dog Lady: Your cat is not gonna die.

Biteface: You don't know that.  Let's move on.

On Open Doors, Merrymaids, and Crazy Wilson

Dog Lady: Well, someone is going through the garage gate door and you can't do that because that gate is old and keeps breaking.  Imma fine someone if I catch them.

Biteface: I think it's one of the Merrymaids who clean in the building.

Dog Lady: We don't have no Merrymaids clean this building.

Biteface:  No, someone hires them, privately, and they clean those units and must have keys or something.

Dog Lady: Oh, I thought it might be Wilson up to his crazy antics again.  Leaving doors open and being weird.

Biteface: He is weird, like dropped-on-his-head weird.

Dog Lady: Yup, he been more than dropped on his head.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

ALC 2013: 75 days to go

Money Raised: $650
Days to Go: 75
Mood Forecast: Deep, happy breaths get me through the day.
Special Thanks: Jasper and Julia

Following a cruzzy (crazy-busy) work week, I was feeling like Superwoman this weekend (only the man version) when I should have been burnt out and feeling like this:

Seriously, for the past few weeks I couldn't even bother with normal life maintenance and am sorry for the lack of updates and not hounding you for donations.  Don't worry, I will release the hounds soon and be scratching at your door.

(Cut to back to the weekend)  This weekend was full of awesomesauce (sauce that is awesome and secretes from my thyroids).  I woke up early on Saturday and went on a 60 mile ride to Lagunitas with the B-Listers (more on that in a minute).  I also planted my spring garden, reorganized my closet, hand-juiced 30 oranges, cleaned my balcony, cooked up a bunch of food for the week, hemmed some pants, and, uh, did other dude stuff like climbed a cliff, built a house, and field-dressed a moose!  Then I spit.  Seeing me in action Jon said, "You're seriously on meth," and then when I pointed out that I would probably be digging into the walls if I were on meth he amended his statement to, "You're seriously on crack."  I blame the endorphins from all this training. 
Photo credit David Nguyen

(Cut back to tra
ining ride)  This weekend's ride was my first this training season over the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB) and into the North Bay.  Chris, Nick, David, Wolfgang (and his unwashed shorts), and new-comer Josh, and me all met at 8:30 a.m. in San Francisco, set out through the "Wiggle", over the GGB, down into Sausalito and through all the little towns and rolling pastures leading out to Laguanitas.  I'd forgotten how beautiful the North Bay is and am finally feeling
track and looking forward to June's ride through California.

Before my ride, Jasper, my handsome cat, sent me the cutest text:

Click here to donate to my ride and ALC.

Friday, March 15, 2013

ALC 2013: 79 days to go

Money Raised: $650
Days to Go: 79
Mood Forecast: If I can just get through this week...
Special Thanks: Mom and Dad (Jess and Mel Jones

  • My mom and dad donated to my ride and they are super awesome and I love them.
  • My cat woke me up by brushing my lip with its poo-encrusted tail and I almost vomited and missed Spin.
  • I rode 57 miles last weekend in and around Orinda, mostly behind a guy with SVB (seriously visible butt crack).
  •  I need your donations and here is what your donations go toward:
    • A donation of $100 can fund 25 home visits by counselors. 
    •  A donation of $250 would provide 10 instant screening kits to clinics.
    • A donation of $500 can provide 15 people with prescription drug assistance. 
    • Even $25 can help one person navigate available healthcare options.

Click here to donate to my ride and ALC.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

ALC 2013: 88 days to go

Money Raised: $400
Days to Go: 88
Mood Forecast: Low down, could eat my weight in Wopper's Robin's Eggs.
Special Thanks: Chrissy, Rich, RJ, Robbie, Elena, and Jenna

Thank you to my awesome and funny sister, Chrissy, and her family for their most recent donation to my ride!!  I was lucky enough to see them all in Ventura on my 6th day of riding last year, which was very encouraging.  They, in turn, were lucky enough to see me in my cycling singlet (which may or may not be making another appearance this year). 

It's been a busy couple of months as I'm working to plan a high-pressure event that has all but consumed my life.  I've let the stress creep in this week and to release have unleashed my inner emotional eater on Easter candy.  Watch out Resse's Peanut Butter Eggs, I'm coming for ya!  Peeps, you're safe because you're disgusting.

That said, I've been feeling not so healthy this week and just sneer at my bike from my couch while under many blankets, two cats, and empty bags of chips.  I did, however, go on a ride this past Saturday out of Orinda.  This was a ride that last year nearly did me in.  It was 53 miles and the last 10 miles are nothing but burning calves and quads climbing through the hills.  It was not easy but easier than last year.  Still, I had to flip off a few squirrels chattering at me from the trees.

As I see it, if I train hard I could become this person:

Or if no training I will become this person:

But in my heart I will always be this guy (click on image for full effect):

Any way you slice it I'm destined to have a ponytail.
Click here to donate to my ride and ALC.