(I'm training a new student who is working in our office for the summer. She is a sloucher, rolls her eyes at nearly everything, and is a tough audience.)
Me: (looking onto spreadsheet) This is all pretty simple. You just have to make sure these numbers add up to these numbers. See?
Me: Then just make two copies of each page. Like Noah's Ark. But they're not going to procreate later. (pause for reaction that doesn't come) One for us. One to deposit. Simple, right?
Me: (pointing at spreadsheets) So, here, to summarize, match this to this, Noah's Ark, one for us, one to deposit. One giraffe, needs another giraffe. Got it?
Student: What are you talking about?
Me: Noah's Ark. Two of everything. He brought two of each animal in the world aboard a ship to save them from a flood.
Student: Every animal? I haven't seen it.
Me: No, it's in the Bible, a story in the Bible.
Student: Oh. I was raised Buddhist.
(Later in the training.)
Me: Do you have any plans this weekend?
Student: No, not really.
Me: Going out to dinner? Maybe seeing a movie?
Student: I'm watching Friends on Netflix.
Me: Friends, the TV show?
Student: (plainly) Yes. It's funny.
Me: Do you think Ross is funny?
Student: Yes, he's pretty funny.
Me: What about Joey and Chandler?
Student: They're funny.
Me: And Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe?
Student: I like them all.
Me: How did you get into that show?
Student: I like old shows. My mom watched it.
Me: What other old shows do you like?
Student: (thinking) Um....just Friends.
(Later still in the training.)
Me: Have you tried the Thai place on campus?
Student: No. I just go to Joe's [deli] and get a sandwich.
Me: I haven't been there. Any recommendations?
Student: You want to know what I eat?
Me: I'm just wondering if you had a favorite sandwich. Maybe I'll try it out.
Student: I like the menage et tois.
Me: What's in that?
Student: I don't know, like meat and cheese, I guess.
Me: Three kinds of meat, three kinds of cheese?
Me: I saw they have a Pee-Wee Herman sandwich. Have you tried that?
Me: It's probably Mr. T breakfast with bacon.
Student: In a sandwich? Gross.
Me: It's from his movie, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure? He eats bacon and eggs and then pours Mr. T cereal on it.
Student: I don't know what that stuff is.
Student: No. What's that?
Me: Pee-Wee is a grown man that wears a bow tie and acts kind of like a kid, or, um, a goofy guy that's funny, he talks in a weird voice. Maybe like a Mr. Bean?
(Even more later.)
Me: Robyn is in concert his weekend. Do you know her? Probably not.
Me: She's a singer and--who do you like?
Student: No one.
Me: You don't listen to any music?
Student: Air Supply.
Student: Do you know them?
Me: Of course. Is your mom a fan of them?
Me: Do you have a favorite song?
Student: Um...I like Making Love.
Me: Excuse me?
Student: Making Love Out of Nothing at All?
Me: Yes, yes, yes, I love that song.
Me: Any other songs?
Student: Um...no. Just that one.
Me: So it's just Friends and one Air Supply song?
Me: No Pee-Wee or Noah's Arc or Robyn?
Me: We should hang out.
Me: I was kidding.