Thursday, December 18, 2014

Twitter Theatre: A Play in One Act

CAST OF CHARACTERS (as described from Twitter profiles): 
@youthpastorbry -- Christian. Husband. Dad of 5. Min of Youth/Children. Conservative. 
@ GregWorzel -- Regular contributor to I Am The Tea Party! 
@robomojo23 -- Minor league. Major friendship.

SETTING: Quiet office, pre-holiday break. Unanswered phones ring in the distance. 
@robomojo23 trolls Twitter at his desk.


@youthpastorbry (RT @GregWorzel)
Here's a Christmas meme 4 U 2 share at #Christmas2014.
Yes we can still say "Merry Christmas"! #TCOT #RedNationRising

 


@robomojo23
(@GregWorzel @youthpastorbry) Thank you for embracing the
equality sign and supporting LGBT rights this Christmas.




@GregWorzel
that doesn't even make sense. Post something and claim the
person's you tweet it to supports it? Delusion much?

@robomojo23
If you understood the origin of that image & its incarnations
it may not seem delusional to you. #DoYourResearch

@GregWorzel 
really, you think I don't know the origin of that symbol. 
That's cute. Again... delusion much? Lol

@robomojo23
You put an image of baby Jesus w/ HRC LGBT marriage equality sign. 
What's your understanding of that pairing? #Learn

@GregWorzel 
part 1 the original meaning is to support gay rights but many 
memes have followed supporting other rights.

@GregWorzel 
mine supports the rights of Christians to celebrate Christmas.

@robomojo23 
There's other symbols and branding you could use. 
I support the rights of Christians to celebrate Christmas.

@GregWorzel 
good.

@robomojo23 
I also support the rights of LGBT to be equal.

@youthpastorbry 
I do not support special LGBT rights

@robomojo23
What about not so special LGBT rights? Like equality?

@robomojo23
HRC symbol w/ that of baby Jesus muddy your message &
don't really speak to your point.

@youthpastorbry 
God doesn't bless marriage equality. He considers it a 
desecration of a Holy Covenant reserved for a man and woman

@robomojo23 
That's one "Christian's" opinion. Why would you put Him on an 
image known for LGBT marriage equality?

@youthpastorbry 
That's not a Christian's opinion, that's from the Bible. 
 God's Word equals truth.

@robomojo23 
I'm just happy to see the baby Jesus embedded
in an image promoting LGBT marriage equality.

@youthpastorbry 
God loves all equally. But it doesn't mean He doesn't approve 
of all lifestyle choices.

@robomojo23 
Stay on topic. This is about branding, not your interpretation 
of the Bible. Plus you used a double negative.

@youthpatorbry 
It's about His interpretation of the Bible, not mine.

@robomojo23
Then why the hell should anyone listen to you?

@robomojo23 
I like idea of God writing Her own Cliff's Notes. 
Like DVD director commentary.

@youthpastorbry 
Look, I didn't make the rules, I only deliver the message. 
Merry Christmas!

@robomojo23 
I understand. Just work on your delivery. 
Merry Christmas and God Bless.

BLACKOUT

Friday, December 12, 2014

Racy, Ageist Work Talk

(I'm sitting in an all staff meeting where we are being briefed on protocols for shutting down our computers and accessing our emails and other work databases over the holiday break. Jason, who works in tech, walks us all through some of the steps, though his presentation is really for our older, less tech-savvy staffers.)

Jason: ...moving on, does everyone know you have 50 gigabytes of data in Box dot com? We set those up for you.

Younger Staff: Cool!

(Older staff members shrug, look around the room at each other.)

Older Staff Lady: What's Box? I don't understand.

Older Staff Lady2: We have 50 what?

Jason: Box is like Dropbox and you can use it to store data you want to retrieve later. It's like remote, online data storage for file sharing. Just don't put any level one data in it.

Older Staff Man: Huh?

Older Staff Lady: I'm lost. What is level one data?

Older Staff Man: Retrieve it from where? Email?

Younger Staff Man: Level one data is personal information like social security numbers, birth dates, you know, anything that people could use to access your accounts or steal personal information.

Older Staff Man: Well, I don't want that.

Older Staff Lady: I still don't understand. What do we do with it?

Jason: Let's say that Liz has documents that she wants to use later. She can put a lot of stuff in her Box account and she can just login and get those documents when she needs them.

Older Staff Lady2: Can't we just get them off our computers?

Jason: Well, no, you won't be in the office over the break. The office will be closed. So, like, Liz will fill up her Box with things she needs and when she needs them, bam, a few clicks and they're there.

(Older staff  members get a little riled up. They speak over each other.)

Older Staff Man: You said file sharing. Can we get things from Liz's Box or do we have to put them in our own Box? Is it like a shared drive?

Older Staff Lady: Is 50 giga-things a lot? How many documents is that? What were you talking about stealing data?

Jason: Uh, yes, 50 gigabytes is a lot and it is very safe. Box has better security than Dropbox...I think so anyway. So, if Liz has a bunch of stuff in her Box, you can't access it. Only Liz can, or Andre, or Ellen.

Older Staff Lady: Now why can Andre and Ellen access Liz's Box but not the rest of us?

Jason: I mean, only Liz can access Liz's Box. Only Andre and access Andre's Box. It's not a shared drive.

Older Staff Lady: I don't understand but okay.

BLACKOUT

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Cat Teepee!

I'm not gonna lie, I spent Saturday night sewing a teepee for my cats.










Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Office Moment: Two Words

(I'm typing away in my work cubicle talking to coworker, Elle, over the partition.)

Me: (email pops up, I read) Urgh, there's two words I hate.

Elle: Dog period?

Me: No. Gross. Wrap meeting.

Elle: Oh.

Me: But I don't like dog period either.

BLACKOUT


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Fireplace

Recently, I stayed in a cozy little vacation home in Pacific Grove where the owners left operating instructions for use of  things around the house. Below, I've rewritten their fireplace directions in the style of E.E. Cummings.


FIREPLACE (Directions on use)

1) Stand back
6 feet.
Point remote at fireplace push on button
Wait 5 seconds




POOF!
- the fire is on
- Do not mess with g
                a
             s
       k
     e
  y
or the pilot light will go
O U T