Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Twitter Theatre: T.D. Jakes Ministry

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Monday, December 7, 2015

Office Jerk

(Interior office. Co-worker, Daniel, 27, sweet, soft-spoken, robotic, in charge of scholarships sends me a reply email which pops up as he approaches my desk.)

Daniel: Hi Ryan, I just sent you an email and--

Me: And you're here to tell me about the email? Right? I just this moment got it.

Daniel: Yes.

Me: Is there new information that you are going to tell me that I'm not going to read in this email?

Daniel: It's just that I don't know what Nicky means. She's in CLCA and her Associate Dean would have up-to-date information about the CLCA scholarships. I don't understand what she needs.

Me: (reading email outloud) Ryan, I don't know what Nicky means-slash-needs. She is in CLCA and her Associate Dean would have up-to-date information about those scholarships. Daniel.

Daniel: Yes, can she just ask her Associate Dean for the names of the scholarship recipients? Why is she asking you?

Me: Would you like me to tell you or send out an email and then tell you?

Daniel: I just wanted to clarify my email.

Me: You're a tightly double-knotted shoelace.

Daniel: What does that mean?

Me: I'm not trying to be rude but you always send me an email and then immediately come over and tell me about the email you just sent, often before I even have time to open the email. Can you just do one or the other?

Daniel: I want you to have a receipt of what we talk about so you'll remember to respond.

Me: I do respond.

Daniel: Not always.

Me: Not always because you come and talk to me and I respond to you in person. Do I have to also send an email recapping what we've chatted about?

Daniel: That would be helpful.

Me: You've just shaved a week off my life.

BLACKOUT