Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Greetings From Kiev, Email Scam--NSFW

Yesterday, my mother's email was hacked (again). I exchanged emails for a bit with the scammer. Personal contact information has been removed. I'm RJ writing in BOLD. Mel is the scammer in italics.        ____________________________________________________________________


How are you doing? Please i need a great favor from you. Please reply as soon as you get this mail.


How is it going? I haven't heard from you in a long time. Is it my feet? What can I do for you?

Hope you are well. Byeeeeee!


Good to hear from you. I'm sorry to bother you with this but it is a bad time for me . I had to make a sudden trip to Ukraine due to some urgent matters to help my sick sister, she was diagnosed with (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) a type of Blood Cancer and had been undergoing treatment lately. The news of her illness arrived to me as an emergency.

The hospital management is demanding for a deposit before they can carry out the surgery operation to save her life and I traveled down here with little money because I never expected things to be the way it is right now. Can you assist me with a loan of $1,850 USD or any amount you can afford at the moment? I'll surely pay back as soon as I get back home.

Please, let me know if you can be of help so I can advise on how to transfer the funds. I’ll be happy to hear from you soon regarding my request and please remember to keep this private.


[Scammer attached photo/scan of my mother's passport, which must have been in her email]

Hello Mel,

Oh my goodness! What horrible news! I nearly burst into tears! Nearly! Your poor, poor sister. She must be out of her mind to be in Ukraine! "People that live there are absolutely nuts," is something my Russian neighbors tell me. "Ukraine is full of gay wolverines," my Slovenian neighbors will chime in.

I always like to ask a series of questions when I'm surprised with tragic news like this. Here it goes: Are you able to fly your sister home? Where in Ukraine are you? How is the porridge there? Incredible I bet. Do you think your sister will make it? Can I have her TV if no? Why do I have to keep this news private? I will do my best but I've already told Linda, my coworker, who has a big mouth but not about this. She promised.

How can I get you money ASAP? Please tell me it's through Western Union. Please! I have some money but I'm afraid only about $1,000. Will that do for now? Maybe Linda has a few bucks she can lend me. I bought the lady coffee this morning and listen to her complain about her ex-husband for Christ's sake.

Lymphoblasticly yours,


Thanks for your response, please proceed with he amount you have at the moment i will explain everything to you when i get back home. The fastest means of getting the money to me now is via Western union Money Transfer or Money-Gram Transfer. You can have it wired to my name via any Western Union Or Money Gram Outlet around.

All you need is the name on my passport and location below.

Receiver Name:
Location: 1, Andriya Malyshko Street, kiev ukraine
State: Kiev
Post Code :02192
Country :Ukraine

As soon as it has been done kindly attach the transfer receipt to me which is all i will need to pick up the money here.

Please let me know if you are heading out now.

Waiting to read from you.


Hello Mel,

Thank you for the quick email as I also was waiting to read from you! Reading from you is giving me life, pure life!

I am dashing out the door this moment to see if I can get to a Western Union before they close. I do have some bad news however--not Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia-type-bad-news, but Linda spilled the beans! I was out getting a drink of water and I passed by her whispering to Jeremy. I overheard words like "Ukraine" and "sick sister" and I knew she was not keeping things private like you asked. And Jeremy has a really big mouth and also is a sex idiot. There's no telling how many people he'll share the news of your sister's illness with during pillow talk. For example, after coitus one night he told me that our boss Just-For-Mens his chest hair. Can you believe that?! Oh the fuckery of it all!

I'm seeing if I can get more than $1,000 but it could take me a few days. I fully trust you and hope I can help your sister out, even if it means selling all of my roommate's belongings on the Black Market! Have you asked other people for money? I'm sure we'd all be willing to give whatever we can. I've never wired money before. Hope I don't run into any trouble.

Do you have any idea what kind of treatment they are giving your sister in that backwards country? Can you give me the number of the hospital? What's the doctor's name? Maybe I can just give the hospital my credit card--or are they not that advanced in Ukraine? Oh, please be careful! I'm worried sick and don't know how much Netflix I'll be able to binge tonight under these conditions.

I'll send you a receipt of the transfer as soon as I get it. How fast do you need it? Probably pretty fast I suspect. Please send me news when you can. In the meantime, these have always brought me luck!

Irrationally yours and ready to part with my money,


Thanks for your love and concern towards my predicament i wish i could call you but am unable to secure an Ukrainian number yet since i didn't plan to stay long here, Please i don have much access to the internet proceed with the transfer once is done kindly get back to me with the transfer details or receipt so that i will be able to pick it up here.

Awaiting for the transfer details.


Messy Mel,

I do love your predicament and am concerned, mostly about your English. You didn't catch your sister's Leukemia I hope! I hear that the Ukrainian variety of this blood disease gets into your bones and goes straight to your grammar vortex. I'd get checked out or you'll go the way of your sister faster than a Ukrainian Gypsy can hex you for throwing hot tea in her face!

I'm afraid the Western Union is closed for the night! What a terrible turn of events, but still better than being laid up in Kiev with a cute blood disease.

Can I send you money in the morning? Are you safe? Keeping your sister calm? What have the doctors told you?

Please send some good news that I promise to keep all to myself this time. I'm a worried wart over here! Should I fly there to see you?


P.S. What do you think of this lipstick? Be honest.

Good morning dahling,

I had a good night rest. I dreamt I was a rack of lamb and Al Roker was basting me with herb sauce.

Western Union won't open for a few hours. Just checking to make sure you are doing alright. I'm so worried about you and your sister with a type of blood cancer (How many types are there?--I'm placing bets). Please let me know that everything is alright.

Awaiting for the details of number of types of blood cancer.


Please let me once you are done with the transfer i don't have much access to the internet keep me posted as soon as it's done.


Hello my little polyp,

What information do you need exactly? Does Western Union call you when my no-strings-attached money comes through? Do they give you cash?

When did you go to Ukraine? Didn't you think to bring money or did you dart out the door in your Spanx and curlers the moment you heard of your sister's cute blood cancer? Seems hasty if I'm being honest.


P.S. I'm growing out my mustache. Thoughts? Don't flatter me.

....end of exchange....