Friday, May 5, 2017

Urgent Request from Mexico


To: Ryan
From: Barbara
 
Subject: URGENT Request 5-4-17

Hope this email finds you well. I need a favor ASAP.
Waiting for kind reply soon.


Regards,


Barbara Fxxxxxxx


To: Barbara
From: Ryan
 
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, I consider this a kind reply

Hi Barbara,


Your email found me on the toilet, where I check all email. What can I do for you?

R
 


To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17
, I consider this a kind reply

Hi Ryan,


Thank you very much for your reply! I made a trip early this week to Mexico to see my ill cousin who lives here. He is seriously ill and needs support from family. He was diagnosed with (acute lymphoblastic leukemia) He has been going to chemo for about year,  it pretty bad because his chemo treatments with medicare is $1000 per every two weeks. The chemotherapy treatment was going well until last week, when the doctor noticed that the dangerous disease has relapsed and the only way it can survive is to undergo a bone marrow transplant (Bone Marrow Transplantation). We have seen someone whose bone marrow matched his has agreed to be the donor and should be submitted to the registry soon in Mexico Medical Center Hospital for early Dx and Rx Consultation for Dangerous Diseases. The estimate of the graft is $10,000 I've already spent about $7600 toward his treatment, I need you to help me with a quick loan of $2400 to make the necessary treatment. as I don't know your financial situation at the moment, I'll really appreciate whatever amount you can come up with, if not all will be deeply appreciated and reimbursed after the surgery. Your help and support will give him a chance to live a normal life. Please let me know how much you can lend so that i can provide you the transfer information to obtain the money and I'll repay you back as soon as I return.


Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx

 

To: Barbara
From: Ryan

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Papa, Can you hear me?


Babs!


So good to hear from you! Truly, I’m not putting you on. I was squeezing my cat’s tail tightly while reading about this horrible turn of events and got clawed right in the cornea! I’ll need medical attention for sure. Not bone-marrow-transplant (Bone Marrow Transplantation: The Movie) medical attention, but still, I could be subjected to wearing a patch (not terminal, I hope)!


I think I could spare about $1,000 right now, maybe more later, but first have to see how much I can get for my husband’s golf clubs. Should I PayPal you? Venmo? Or better yet, the kids are all using Western Union. Maybe that? Let me know The Fastest Way to Send Money™ and it will be there before you can throw back 12 shots of street-grade mezcal!


What is your cousin doing in Mexico? Not drug trafficking I hope…though I hear it’s excellent money provided you don’t have a working gag reflex. How terrible to get Leukemia of all things. I always get angry diarrhea when I visit. I guess I should be thankful (but that stuff is wicked)! Which city are you in? Hotel? Hope it has a pool and a 24-hour English-speaking guard.


Please let me know what I can do. I’m keeping you in my prayers and am so happy you have reached out to me. Do yourself a favor, have some tacos. You were always your happiest going down on a plate of tacos.


Sincerely, 


Chupacabra

P.S. Please enlarge and give this to your cousin (the one with the dangerous disease). 


 
 

To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Papa, Can you hear me?


please all I need you to do is to go to any Western Union outlet and send the money.
 
Below are details for the western union transfer.


Received Name:
Barbara Fxxxxxxx  
Address: Venustiano Carranza 39 Centro Mexico, Distrito Federal 06000 City: Mexico city State: Distrito Federal Country: Mexico Postal code: 06000 

Or


I was told that you can also send Western union transfer online with your Credit Card online by going to http://www.westernunion.com

Please as soon as you make the payment, kindly get back to me with the payment details such as (SENDERS NAME/ MTCN NUMBER/SCAN THE WESTERN UNION RECEIPT TOO) for confirmation so that i can proceed with the treatment immediately.


Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx

 

To: Barbara
From: Ryan

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Don't Rain On My Parade


Hi Babs,


Oh, thank Dios you opted for Western Union despite the other more convenient and verifiable options I gave you. You’re in DF!!! It’s such a beautiful city with hardly a rapist or wallet-snatcher in sight (because of the smog). Can you bring your ill cousin home to the US where our health care is above par? What is your cousin’s name? I’d love to blurt it out to my prayer group so we can send our thoughts up to the heavens…or would you just prefer cash? In my experience, nothing pays for mounting medical debt like a quick shout-out to the Lord.


If your cousin has been undergoing chemo for a year, why has it taken you so long to visit? I assume since you’re taking on all the financial burden, you must be super tight. How old is your cousin? Is he single? (I’m not picky.) Do you know when you might return home? I’d love a jewelry box made of hammered tin topped with a scorpion in resin. Just saying, I scratch your back….


Tell me the name of the hospital where your cousin is being treated. I’d love to speak with the administration and see if we can work out a payment plan. I do have money but don’t know if I can send it for a few days. I am just sick thinking of what caring for this cousin is doing to your vacation! And on Cinco de Mayo weekend, a weekend actual Mexicans care very little for. You really should be in America, taking body shots off insecure college girls with the rest of us! Could I send you $500 now, maybe another $500 after the weekend (provided I don’t blow it on margaritas)? 


I am prepared to do whatever it takes to help with the transplantation of marrow. That reminds me, at lunch just now I had a divine Romaine salad with a side of slow-roasted beef marrow; spread across a crostini…nothing beats it!


Moist and intimate kisses,


Rx


 
To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Don't Rain On My Parade


Thank you for your understanding, yes you can send the $500 and get back to me with the full transfer details.


Regards,


Barbara Fxxxxxxx
 


To: Barbara
From: Ryan

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, I'm the greatest star!


Babs,

I will get to Western Union as quickly as I can. It’s a little out of the way, but I’ll do my best after my seaweed wrap appointment. Do you have any idea what a MTCN number is? I’ll need a lot of hand-holding on this one.
 

R



To: Ryan
From: Barbara

Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17,
I'm the greatest star!

Hi Ryan,


Thank you so much for your email and I have to let you know that I need the quick funds to make the necessary treatment.  You can send the $500 now. as I don't know your financial situation at the moment, any help whatsoever will be deeply appreciated. Your help and support will give him a chance to live a normal life, Any amount will be accepted with gratitude and reimbursed after my surgery. Please let me when you done with the transfer, scan the copy of the receipt given to you.


Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx

 

To: Barbara
From: Ryan
 
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, People 

Hi Babs,


Since you keep harping on it, my financial situation is outstanding, thank you. So outstanding in fact, I just toweled off from a dip in my Dom Perignon-filled lake, I have a Petrossian Beluga Caviar enema in an hour and tomorrow, I’m dumping my weekend home in Seychelles for an upgrade on a yet to be discovered island chain in the Arabian Sea. I kid; my rat-infested condo is underwater and my second husband is suing me for divorce. The money your cousin needs is a real strain on my pocketbook, but I would do anything for a friend I hardly ever hear from.


One thing I’m confused on: You said in one email, “Your help and support will give him a chance at a normal life…,” and later in the same line, “…Any amount will be accepted…and reimbursed after my surgery.” Are you getting the surgery or your cousin? I’d hate to think I’m wiring cash to you only to learn it was for a tummy tuck. What assurance can you provide that this money isn’t going toward your much needed jowl-lift?


Are you able to call me? I’d love to chat.


R



To: Barbara
From: Ryan
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Hello Dolly!


Good morning Babs,

It’s done. I’ve transferred the money but I’m afraid I spilled my morning margarita on it. I’m trying to make out the MSNBC numbers…give me a sec…here you go:

9871282082

OR

9871285346

I’m afraid it’s only $448.32 because I ran out of Boniva and the cost to replace cut into the money I’d earmarked for your cousin. Please let me know that you received everything a-okay! I’m worried over here and it will take everything in my power to just get through this next pitcher of margaritas until I know where things stand.

R


To: Ryan
From: Barbara
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Hello Dolly!


Thanks for your quick reply, No transaction found with your 9871285346 or 9871282082. Write out the (MTCN #) the mtcn # should be 10 digits number, Anyway, is it possible to scan the transmittal receipt from the Western Union Office

Please let me know the correct mtcn, so i can claim the money. 
 
I will be waiting for your reply.

Regards,

 
Barbara Fxxxxxxx
 


To: Barbara
From: Ryan
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17,
Second Hand Rose

Babby,


Can you try again? I think I may have inverted numbers. Try this: 9871285364, which is a 10-digit number (or didn’t you count). I’m not sure how to scan a receipt, let alone a transmittal receipt. Can you explain?

BTW, have you heard of a Mexican Shit Rocket? It’s gross. It’s when you freeze a turd out of last night’s dinner and use it as a dildo. (The things you learn at happy hour!)

Pues,

R



To: Ryan
From: Barbara
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Second Hand Rose


As soon as it's sent, send me a copy of the money transfer receipt

  
To: Barbara
From: Ryan
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Somewhere


Hi Babcock,

Which one is the money transfer receipt again? I’m not sure I got it when I sent you money without condition. I did get a piece of paper (the one I spilled margarita on) but there were so many numbers on it, it looked like a bathroom wall at a Tijuana truck stop. I’m pretty sure one of the numbers I sent you is the right one…you should be fine. Does WU need EXACT numbers or will most of them do? Dios mio!

Enough money talk, how’s your cousin doing? I started to knit a scarf last night and want to send it to him while he waits for transplantation of marrow. Regretfully, I’m a terribly slow knitter and am concerned I might not knit-and-pearl out a proper scarf-length scarf for several weeks. Do you think he’ll hang on that long or should I just send him this pot holder-thing I got going on? Oh, please do send some good news!

Vamos a la playa,

R


To: Ryan
From: Barbara
Subject: RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Somewhere

The Code you sent is fake MTCN, please kindly go back to the WU office and ask for the correct MTCN Number or send me the receipt transfer.

Regards,

Barbara Fxxxxxxx


To: Barbara
From: Ryan
RE: URGENT Request 5-4-17, Memory

B-dog,

Fake? Oh no! What did Western Union tell you? Can’t you just show them your ID? Mexicans are not very smart, perhaps you can just flash a sun-damaged boob and then grab the cash.

I can mail you the receipt transfer. Would that work? What’s your hotel address? Or, do you happen to know if a flip phone can scan a receipt transfer…or are they only good for scanning regular receipts?  I know this darn phone can take pictures because I took a picture of my nipple by mistake…but I suspect that won’t do you any good. 


I’m so sorry. I’ll head back to WU right away to see if I can figure out what happened. In the meantime, have you tried this number: 9871200512?

What do you think of my purse? Be honest.

Desperado,

R


  

No comments:

Post a Comment